my vag is so smooth its legendary
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
