I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
