So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
