I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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