She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
