i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
