o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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