I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
