I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
