you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
