This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
