I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
