I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
