I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
