Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My life is pants optional.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
