When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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