i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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