His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
