I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
