pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
This gyro tastes like lonliness
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
