I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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