i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
