Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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