Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he shaved USA in his pubs
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I think my moral compass just broke
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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