I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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