is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
