he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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