of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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