The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
