you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
