maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
bring money and cleavage
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
