She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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