So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
