youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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