Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
