They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
