I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
