I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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