he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
