If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
