Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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