There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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