How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Randomize
