Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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