This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
