I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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