My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
