my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
