if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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