so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
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